could i only speak

i remember the curtains trying to escape in the wind
the open window as if no one cared to protect what was inside
a picture of you and i turned over on my nightstand
they probably carelessly knocked it over as they fought their way in
and imagining your cold body on the floor where the bottles were left
maybe if i hadnt gone to the hospital to confirm your broken promises
you wouldnt be here anymore and i wouldnt have the memory of you fighting
not for your life but your death

So, this isn't really related to English or any classes for that matter. I need to vent and this is the only blog I have that I can say what I need to say...My roommate is just rediculous. I've known her since second grade, but I have realized that she was never really any type of friend. Everything is about her and she takes advantage of me all the time. Also, she always tries to act like my mother and she's constantly judging me. She has no respect for me, my boyfriend, or my friends. As soon as she meets someone she automatically says if she likes them or not. If she decides she doesn't, all she does from then on when they are around is complain about that friend. If I say something that she doesn't like, even if it is the honest truth that needs to be told, she rolls her eyes or goes off on me. She can treat me like shit all the time, but the moment I even say something she doesn't like, whether it's actually a bad thing or not, she freaks out on me. I feel bad for talking about her on a blog, but I am so SO sick of everything. It's gotten to the point to where I actually have anxiety about being in my own damn room. The way she treats me actually gets me down. I even feel sad because of her. I am way too passive.
I have never experience anything like this, except from my own mother and biological "father." When I left for college I thought I'd be free from my depression and anxiety that my "family" causes. I guess I was completely wrong. Right now I am sitting in the lounge on my floor so that I don't have to deal with her. This is the first time where I really have nothing to do. I can't find anything to do! I want to go hang out and have fun. But I find it hard because I don't have the type of friends I had back home. Usually, I could just call someone and they would just hang out. Here it's like everyone I know is older, and they have their own friends that they have known forever to do that with. I have the sax section, but for some reason it seems too complicated. My boyfriend is the only person I feel close to right now, and he lives an hour away. That's pathetic.
Music is my cure. Atreyu and Maynard Ferguson always make me feel at least a little better. As much as it can without actually fixing the issue. I know, two extremes in music. Sometimes in music I think I am very openminded, but a lot of the time I think I need to work on not being so closeminded at the same time. Whatever the case, I feel better when I listen to, or make music. Every thought I have it seems like goes back to music. If only you could hear my soundtrack. It's weird because my Grandpa has never been into music of any sort. He'll listen to me play and he enjoys it, but he doesn't get it. He's one of those silent thinking people. My Grandma is constantly singing and humming in the kitchen. Opposites attract? All I know is music is in my soul. God gave me the gift to hear more and understand more and be passionate enough about something that I know I have a purpose. Without music I would be lost. I know my thoughts are so scattered right now. I don't understand how people can live a silent life like my Grandpa though. That seems so sad to me. Sometimes I wonder if he could be saved from his lack of interest. He has been so successful in his life though. Could there be people who are ok without little notes jumping around in their head?

frustration.

I am so far behind lately it is rediculous. I have been sick for about a month, and the last two weeks it had gotten really overwhelming. Not to mention my boyfriend was in the hospital off and on around the same time. So now I'm trying to get back in the groove of English and Music Theory. My Music Theory class just makes me angry. It moves at such a quick pace. I'll feel caught up one class period and the next I just want to give up. Right now I really just want a new start to this whole college thing. I want this semester to be over. I have to catch up on so much, and I still have to go to the doctor's office. Tomorrow is not going to be an enjoyable day for me (it's a Wednesday). Until then, I am off to write the rest of my paper due in the morning.

First Post

Basically, I have no idea what I am going to pick as my subject for my wikipedia page. I know what I'm interested in, but I can't imagine that those topics haven't been written about already. I guess I should probably check it out, but it seems like I never have time. Being a music major is very time consuming.