So, this isn't really related to English or any classes for that matter. I need to vent and this is the only blog I have that I can say what I need to say...My roommate is just rediculous. I've known her since second grade, but I have realized that she was never really any type of friend. Everything is about her and she takes advantage of me all the time. Also, she always tries to act like my mother and she's constantly judging me. She has no respect for me, my boyfriend, or my friends. As soon as she meets someone she automatically says if she likes them or not. If she decides she doesn't, all she does from then on when they are around is complain about that friend. If I say something that she doesn't like, even if it is the honest truth that needs to be told, she rolls her eyes or goes off on me. She can treat me like shit all the time, but the moment I even say something she doesn't like, whether it's actually a bad thing or not, she freaks out on me. I feel bad for talking about her on a blog, but I am so SO sick of everything. It's gotten to the point to where I actually have anxiety about being in my own damn room. The way she treats me actually gets me down. I even feel sad because of her. I am way too passive.
I have never experience anything like this, except from my own mother and biological "father." When I left for college I thought I'd be free from my depression and anxiety that my "family" causes. I guess I was completely wrong. Right now I am sitting in the lounge on my floor so that I don't have to deal with her. This is the first time where I really have nothing to do. I can't find anything to do! I want to go hang out and have fun. But I find it hard because I don't have the type of friends I had back home. Usually, I could just call someone and they would just hang out. Here it's like everyone I know is older, and they have their own friends that they have known forever to do that with. I have the sax section, but for some reason it seems too complicated. My boyfriend is the only person I feel close to right now, and he lives an hour away. That's pathetic.
Music is my cure. Atreyu and Maynard Ferguson always make me feel at least a little better. As much as it can without actually fixing the issue. I know, two extremes in music. Sometimes in music I think I am very openminded, but a lot of the time I think I need to work on not being so closeminded at the same time. Whatever the case, I feel better when I listen to, or make music. Every thought I have it seems like goes back to music. If only you could hear my soundtrack. It's weird because my Grandpa has never been into music of any sort. He'll listen to me play and he enjoys it, but he doesn't get it. He's one of those silent thinking people. My Grandma is constantly singing and humming in the kitchen. Opposites attract? All I know is music is in my soul. God gave me the gift to hear more and understand more and be passionate enough about something that I know I have a purpose. Without music I would be lost. I know my thoughts are so scattered right now. I don't understand how people can live a silent life like my Grandpa though. That seems so sad to me. Sometimes I wonder if he could be saved from his lack of interest. He has been so successful in his life though. Could there be people who are ok without little notes jumping around in their head?